Speaking of fears...

While I am taking in all that we are learning, I am beginning to figure out how to filter out what I should really hold onto and mold into my classroom and what I can leave on the back burner. This was really tough at first for me because everything seems like such a huge, catastrophic deal and while I still think that about 99.9% of what I've been learning, I also am realizing how important it is to pick and choose what's most important for me. Otherwise I will make myself crazy trying to fix all the problems in the world and my students will suffer from a lack of concentrated attention.

After Monday's class, I too realized that I have made or could definitely make all of those mistakes. But ultimately, I know that my heart will always be in the right place even if my head is buzzing with 30 rowdy kids who just got back from recess and won't sit still. I am comforted by this because I have so much confidence in what we have learned and what we will be learning in this program, as well as through our experiences, that I will know how to handle tough situations in the best way for the students. Even if I can't physically, mentally or emotionally handle these situations the best way every time, having the knowledge of how to do it and knowing that I can and have before will be comfort enough when those times come around that I go home and realize I didn't handled a certain situation the way I would have liked to.

But on the other hand, my biggest fear is, what if I think my heart is in the right place and that what I am doing is the best for my students but it's completely misguided? This is where I hope to find myself surrounded by colleagues that uphold the same standards or higher that I do so that I will be reminded to check in with myself and how I am interacting with my students and running my classroom. I know I won't be perfect, I know I will make plenty of mistakes, but I also know that unless I start burying my head in the sand and stop reflecting on how I do things and what's working/not working in my classroom, that everything will be ok.