I'm feeling SO mediocre! I'm doing everything half-assed, everything! Actually, saying I'm getting 50% of anything done might just be a half-truth. You do the math, I'm not meeting standards right now. Things I'm falling short on:
- Spending time with my children.
- Taking care of the house.
- Cooking meals.
- Exercising.
- Reading with my children.
- Speaking to my husband.
- Managing the household finances.
- Keeping up with the reading.
- Updating my FB status.
- Staying informed (Sotomawhat?).
- Connecting w/friends.
My son didn't sit down to eat dinner with us tonight, and I fell apart. You know the drill: "I'm such a horrible mother! He'll never get over this, and I'm to blame for everything!" I have resorted to narcissism in my hour of need. Good to know I have such deep reserves of clarity and strength under pressure. Only one thing can save me from a total nervous breakdown, getting one paper back with an A, just one little thing that says, "You're meeting MY expectations." Obviously, I blame my parents for this because they took away all my intrinsic rewards with the "well dones" and "you did it! here have some chocolates!"
There, I feel better.
Febe-
ReplyDeleteYou are not doing things half-assed. Everything you say in class is incredibly insightful and committed. I'm so happy to be in the same cohort with you.
Febe,
ReplyDeleteI have just about nothing else going on in my life besides this program, and all I can do is try to get the homework done for the next day, which is only happening some of the time. And, I don't even have to cook or clean because my boyfriend is picking up the extra weight. So basically what I am saying to you is that I only have one responsibility, school, and I feel like you are doing that plus a whole lot of other things and if I can judge your performance based on your school stuff, you're amazing. So buck up kiddo!
On a sad note: with credit / no credit I don't think we get grades.
On a happy note: I can write one on your paper if you want. I even have a red pen! And, I love that show My So Called Life, it's so awesome!
And, drink some wine. It makes everything feel so much better.
Love, Abbie
Hi Febe,
ReplyDeleteNot sure this is consoling, but they say misery loves company. Substitute wife for husband, and cats for children, and your list becomes Mike's So Called Life.
I'll round up the chocolates and a big basket of "well dones" and we'll all have a party! : )
Mike, you always make me laugh!
ReplyDeleteFebe,
ReplyDeleteI second your sentiments AND everyone's responses. I absolutely relate to the feelings you've expressed. Especially when I know my capabilities are not adding up to my performance. Or at least that is how it feels. I just keep trying to tell myself as long as I feel I am giving the best to all, that has to be good enough (even though my dishes are piled high, I have five loads of laundry that needs to be put away, I see my daughter for about three hours total Monday thru Thursday, I have now started 'scheduling' my husband in my planner, and I had more typos and grammar errors in Zaher's paper than I did when I was in fifth grade). Perhaps this is indeed my 'new' capabilities.
So it is OK that you're feeling this way. But realize we have all discovered what a true gem you are. Give yourself some slack (and don't forget the chocolates, wine, and 'well dones'-- and while you're at it - a good massage)!